I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
