We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
