I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
