it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
