at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize