Cold hands, warm shart.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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