Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
