WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize