im six kinds of drunk right now
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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