how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up under a house in Key West
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