smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize