I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
