you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
