Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
