Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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