so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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