Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
