did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
