I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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