..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
