tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
