just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
