dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
