After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
