I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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