i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
