I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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