My hand turned me down
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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