pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
