That's intense
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
