We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
