I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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