Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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