well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I forget how to act sober
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