even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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