I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
