Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
