Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.