I've blown a few things in my day
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.