my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...