you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes