We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.