My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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