How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
