Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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