remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
