Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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