I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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