Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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