Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
