Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
