I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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