I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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