Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
