Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
