How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
