My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
