Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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