She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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