remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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