watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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