well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
