I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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