So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
