so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
