Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
