they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
