Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
