i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm really busy with my period
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