Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
