Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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