dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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